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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29848785">what a beautiful tragedy we are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyschocolatefrog/pseuds/moonyschocolatefrog'>moonyschocolatefrog</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Forgiveness, Fuck JKR, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reconciliation, lesbian tonks because we deserve it, obnoxiously in love, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:14:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29848785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyschocolatefrog/pseuds/moonyschocolatefrog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rewrite of the end of Harry Potter &amp; The Prisoner of Azkaban, because there's no way in hell Remus ever would've forgotten to take Wolfsbane and Snape sucks! Also Wolfstar &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger &amp; Harry Potter, Hermione Granger &amp; Harry Potter &amp; Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger &amp; Ron Weasley, Remus Lupin &amp; Harry Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew, Ron Weasley &amp; Harry Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Harry Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew &amp; James Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew &amp; James Potter &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. because remus never would've forgotten the wolfsbane</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the way I picture the end of POA in my head... writing's a way for me to vent, and jkr makes me so mad so here we are. not sure how long this will be, but if you're here enjoy the ride!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>So much ado about nothing<br/>
Is what she'd try to say<br/>
So much ado, my lover<br/>
So many games we played<br/>
Through every fleeted Summer<br/>
Through every precious day.</em>
</p><p>Remus sat down, hard. Those five black dots. Two of which he thought he’d never see again. He started breathing hard through his nose, trying not to succumb to the panic. Twelve years. Twelve years of pain, twelve years of betrayal, twelve years of trying to piece himself back together. He had known since Harry told him about Pettigrew on the map, deep down. He had had his suspicions. He made the map, for Merlin’s sake. No way in hell it could ever be wrong. </p><p>But to see it in real time, in front of him, to see the name that he had tried so hard not to utter for those twelve years. He had tried to forget all of it. Forget his hugs. Forget his lips. Forget the fighting. Forget the mistrust. Forget the soft ‘I love you’ that was whispered over a pillow every time he gave himself completely to him. But how could you forget someone who had been your everything? How was he supposed to have forgotten all of the feelings? As much as he’d like to say he had, he could never forget. No, those memories were just shoved down into a little place in his heart no one could find. As far as he was concerned, the Sirius Black he loved had been dead. Not imprisoned; dead. </p><p>Except now, watching the map, seeing it with his eyes… it felt like somewhat of a miracle. After the initial shock, Remus felt his mind start to panic. No matter who was the true culprit, four people he cared about were now in the company of a mass murderer. Three of them teenagers with god complexes. Remus cursed, chugging the wolfsbane potion next to his desk. No way he would forget that, thank you very much. He had been transforming for 30 fucking years, only a dumbass would think he could forget that. He grabbed his wand and the map and hurried out of his office towards the whomping willow. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Remus ran through the passage of the willow, nerves on fire. He truly had no idea what to expect. No matter what was true, this was about to be an extremely painful experience for him. As he entered the house, he could hear shuffling above him before a deranged cackling reverberated through the shack. He couldn't have contained the rolling of his eyes even if he had tried to. Buggering Christ. 12 years, still a complete drama queen. He then heard the sound of a threat to kill, which alarmed him just a tad. Wishing he had more time to prepare, think of what to say, he took the stairs at a spring and flung a disarming spell in any direction he could. </p><p>There he was. The star of Remus’ wildest dreams and worst nightmares. The person he had loved more than any other, the one who had ruined him for any other poor soul brave enough to try. In the flesh. Remus thought he might vomit for a moment. </p><p>He looked so different. So, so different. Hair that had once been shoulder length and lush now fell halfway to his back, straggly and unkempt. His elbows were sticking out sharply, his cheeks sunken and his eyes, currently gazing at the wall- Remus instantly felt transported back to 12 years ago. Except for being slightly glazed over and out of focus, those eyes were exactly the same. Sharp, grey, piercing. If he looked at just his eyes and squinted, Remus could almost pretend they were 18 again and everything was ok. </p><p>Then those eyes met his, and his heart quite literally stopped. Remus wasn’t pretending anymore, he was sure they were actually teenagers again. In that moment, he felt sure that James would come bursting into the room in a moment, that it was the morning after the full moon, that Sirius was about to hold him and tell him that it’s ok, he wasn’t a monster, he was Remus and Remus was his everything. Then-</p><p>	“Remus.” Sirius breathed. It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a train of thought, it was simply a statement. Remus felt his jaw start to shake, and he bit the inside of his mouth to keep it steady. Tears were quickly pooling in his eyes, and everything felt blurry. </p><p>Memories were flooding back to him with alarming clarity and emotion. Remus remembered the first time he had met Sirius, those eyes flicking over his scarred face and offering him a lopsided grin. Confronting him about being a werewolf, and comforting and holding him even after Remus had raged and cried and stuttered. The first time he turned into Padfoot. The first day after the moon he had woken up to Sirius gently cleaning a cut on his arm, they way he had looked at him, and the way they had shared their first kiss like it was the only thing that made sense, which in a way, it was. </p><p>The anger he had felt running through his blood after The Prank, the screaming, the hateful words, and simply seeing Sirius hang his head in shame. The careful way they had started to mend their relationship, the way that Sirius showed him how sorry he was, the careful months of trepidation until they were finally ready to be whole again. The first time they had expressed with their bodies the love that words could not. The soft smiles, the gentle touches, the fervent I love yous, the feeling of being so wholly connected to someone that you knew they were the only thing that mattered. </p><p>In a matter of five seconds, Remus had relived it all. Relived his life with Sirius- relived falling in love with Sirius. He wanted to hug him, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to tell him it was all ok, that it was all a bad dream, that it was time to wake up now. Instead, he steadied his wand, composed himself, and took a deep breath.</p><p>	“Tell me it’s true,” he said without preamble, noticing the way his voice came out shaking. “Tell me that’s him. Tell me you never could’ve done it, tell me that it wasn’t you. Tell me that they were wrong, tell me you never betrayed them.” At this last bit, his voice broke, and tears started to slip down his face, although his wand arm stayed quite steady. Sirius looked up at him, carefully, never breaking eye contact. Remus could hear Harry, Ron, and Hermione whispering, but at that moment he couldn’t give less of a fuck.</p><p>	“Remus…”</p><p>	“Answer the fucking question, Sirius.”</p><p>	“I think you know the answer. It’s him, look, you’ll see the finger. I would’ve rather died than betray them, rather die than betray you.” Sirius was right. Remus did know the answer. It was the only thing that made it all make sense, the only reason why James and Lily could be dead. What he didn’t understand, was why he hadn’t known this for twelve years. Then a bolt of clarity struck him, and for the first time his hand shook a bit.</p><p>	“And I didn’t know because you thought it was me.” Again, it wasn’t a question. There was no venom behind the words, just a dull sense of resignation. Remus saw a flash of pain in those eyes, and a slight nod. He breathed for a moment.</p><p>	“Professor?” Harry said timidly. Remus whipped around, having almost forgotten they were there, and feeling quite annoyed by it at the moment. He honestly had no idea what to say, this was all happening so quickly, and the moon... </p><p>	“Harry, this is going to be very hard to explain at this moment, but I need you to trust me so I can give you the basics. You are not going to understand all of it, but you need to trust me.” He stared at Harry for a moment, who nodded. He turned back to Sirius for a moment, trying to suppress everything he was feeling, all the old emotions coming to the surface.</p><p>	“Remus,” Sirius started, looking far more exhausted than he had a moment ago. “I- I’m so sorry. Moons, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, I’m so sorry. I missed so many of them, Rem... I looked out the stupid little bars every time.” The old nickname sent a shudder through Remus’ spine, and he knew Sirius was referring to the full moons. He leaned forward and pulled Sirius off the ground, embracing him tightly. A thousand unspoken words flew through their bodies, apologies and forgiveness, love and hate, betrayal and trust. He barely registered Hermione’s soft gasp of realization and what it meant she knew before Harry was hauling him off Sirius and trying to punch him in the face.</p><p>	“He murdered my parents, you piece of shit! What the fuck? Have you been working with him?” Remus could barely contain some sort of derisive laughter before catching Harry’s wrist. Even though he was quite clearly Lily, it could not be denied flashes of James' rash behavior ran through his bones.</p><p>	“Alright Harry, I understand how this looks. Remember what I said about trusting me? Now’s about the time to do that. Now I’ll explain, and you can even have my wand to keep you happy while I do so.” He handed Harry his wand and took a step back, still holding onto Sirius’ arm a bit. </p><p>He was not nearly naïve enough to think that they were going immediately back to the lovesick teens they had been; they were both broken, a stone’s toss from shattered. He didn’t know if he had the capacity to ever feel that kind of love again, didn’t know if Sirius could even feel any sort of happiness. He didn’t even know if they would ever overcome the trauma and hurt to become friends. But right now, jumped up on adrenaline, knowing Sirius was alive and innocent, he wasn’t going to let him go. Not even for a moment.</p><p> He saw Harry nod again, and thus launched into the night that had taken everyone and everything he loved from him. He saw everything in vivid color as he described it, the only thing omitted being the nature of his and Sirius’ relationship; the boy was just learning how his parents were betrayed by one of their dearest friends, he didn’t need to know the other two were involved in one of the most obnoxiously loving relationships to ever exist.</p><p> Sirius provided the explanation for the secret keeper swap and the animagus shit, and Remus saw a distinct sense of horror cross Ron’s face as he looked at his rat. Sirius nearly broke down a few times, having to think about the timing of some things for a moment, and Remus realized exactly what Azkaban must have done to him. </p><p>Harry’s expressions turned from suspicious, to confused, to grief, and finally, to what could be considered acceptance. Ron looked bewildered, but still ready to protect Harry at a moment’s notice if needed. Hermione was the smartest, asking clarifying questions and making him explain the story every which way to make sure everything  lined up. </p><p>As he finished, Remus knew there was one more thing he needed to tell them. The werewolf thing. Fuck’s sake, Snape made them write an essay on how to fucking kill him. James’ son writing an essay on how to kill him. What a fucking happy thought. He found some solace in knowing Hermione probably had guessed already, considering she had already picked up on exactly what Remus’ and Sirius’ “friendship” had consisted of. The others? Well, James’ obliviousness clearly went somewhere.</p><p>	“Before we get this over and figure out what the hell to do with Peter, there is one thing you should know,” Remus began pleasantly. “Now Miss Granger I’m sure already knows this, but you boys…” he trailed off delicately, “may not.” Sirius shot him an unamused glance, knowing exactly what he was about to say and not looking impressed by how nonchalantly he was acting it. Remus rolled his eyes again, turning to face the three kids (and rat) with a sort of ta-da gesture.</p><p>“I’m a werewolf. Yippee.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-Song lyrics from All Dead, All Dead by Queen.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. harry saves a life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW warning for mention of eating disorder- just a sentence or two, not at all graphic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Cross your heart, won't tell no other<br/>
And though I can't recall your face<br/>
I still got love for you<br/>
Your braids make a pattern<br/>
Love you to the Moon and to Saturn<br/>
Passed down like folk songs<br/>
The love lasts so long.</em>
</p><p>The shack was silent for a moment. Hermione’s face remained composed, which confirmed Remus’ suspicion that she had already known about his infliction. Harry looked slightly puzzled, but not scared, which Remus assumed was because he hadn’t grown up in the wizarding world, and therefore didn’t adhere to its prejudices. Ron was the interesting one. Remus knew that many kind, accepting wizarding families like the Weasleys could be wary of werewolves; most of the time, if you didn’t know one personally, you thought they were massive slobbering beasts all of the time. </p><p>He could see the strained look on Ron’s face, probably partially due to the broken leg Sirius had been the cause of, and also because he was trying to figure out how he felt about Remus being a werewolf. He could practically see the cogs working in Ron’s head, thinking about the contrast between the terrifying stories he’d been told and the lanky man in front of him wearing a tweed coat. They made eye contact, and Ron looked at the ground.</p><p>“Ron?” Remus said gently. “I know this is a shock, but werewolves aren’t nearly what you think they are. It’s just me.” He made sure Ron was holding tight to Scabbers before he turned to face the rest of the group. “Now, the reason I’ve told you this now is because tonight is the full moon. I’ve taken wolfsbane, which renders me harmless. When I turn, it’ll just be my body. It will be my own brain and mind inside of the wolf, so there’s no cause for alarm.” </p><p>He felt bad thrusting all of this onto the three kids, but it was the only way to make sure no one freaked out. It wouldn’t do to have Lily and James’ murderer in front of him after all these years, and let him get away. He wanted to give them a few more minutes to adjust, ask questions if they needed, but he could sense what Sirius was generally going to say from the look on his face before he opened his mouth.</p><p>“Remus that’s nice and all, but can we get to murdering fucking Pettigrew?” Sirius said, clearly impatient. Remus almost wanted to laugh, or maybe cry, or maybe both, again. Sirius was still Sirius. Remus could tell he was partially unhinged, and there was obviously a lot of trauma and hurt he was going to have to work through, but at his core, he was still the brash 18 year old that had taken Remus’ breath away with every word he spoke. It was this thought that finally made Remus realize it was time, this thought that made him want to get out of that godforsaken shack as soon possible.</p><p>“Yeah alright, Sirius.” He desperately wanted to call him Pads, but he wasn’t sure if he could manage that without having a full fledged meltdown. He turned to Ron again. “Ron, let me see your rat.” Ron looked apprehensive.</p><p>“Look… what you said, it made sense. It really did. But are you sure this isn’t just some random rat? It’s just, he’s been in my family for twelve years… become a bit attached.” Sirius threw his head back and snorted derisively.</p><p>“Yes,” he said sarcastically. “Because a random garden rat living twelve years is perfectly normal! Not unusual at all!” Remus shot him a look, and Sirius looked at him sullenly before crossing his arms. Remus had to bite his lip again to stop from smiling. <em>What a child</em>. “Look, Ron,” Sirius continued. “What Remus is going to do won’t hurt the rat at all if it’s normal. It’s just a spell to return him to his true form, I promise.” Ron finally nodded slowly, handing the rat to Remus. </p><p>It started desperately grabbing at air with its grubby little claws, squealing and wriggling. Sirius looked at it, disgusted, while Remus got his wand from Harry and pointed it at the rat. After slashing in a <em>Z</em> motion with a nonverbal incantation, the rat started to change very quickly. Its legs started to grow, along with every other part of its body. </p><p>Three seconds later, a really fucking ugly version of the cheerful, chubby, kind boy Remus had known at school stood before him. Remus wand hand shook as he looked at him. His hair was now grey and thin, barely covering his scalp. His face was filthy, and his double chin now sagged with empty skin. Remus assumed this weight loss was due to the stress he went through once he learned Sirius had escaped. His clothes, which presumably had been packed up in rat form for twelve years, were threadbare, and covered in sweat and dirt. He smelled revolting as well, like a mix of blood and trash. Remus first wanted to gag, and then wanted to cry. <em>Christ</em>, he reflected internally. <em>I need to stop being so emotional</em>.</p><p> The problem was, this man- this <em>shell</em> of a man standing in front of him- had once been the kindest friend Remus had ever known, aside from Lily Evans. This had been the boy who had checked up on Remus before and after full moons, giving him chocolate to make him feel better and introducing him to essential oils to help soothe his muscles. This had been the boy who had helped Lily through a year of body dysmorphia and anorexia, speaking with her in low tones every night in the corner of the common room, bringing her small portions of food and listening to her extensively, holding her while she sobbed. </p><p>This had been the boy who was never upset when teachers were a little too harsh on him, always ready to pull another prank with a smile. He had been the one to talk to when you needed to cry, the one who was always reliable, the one the marauders had cherished as someone they needed to protect. Remus had had twelve years to try and understand Sirius’ betrayal, and he had barely been able to hold himself together. Knowing that this man, the one who had once been his kindest friend, was the one who had turned the Potters over to Voldemort… well, that was quite a lot to handle. </p><p>“Remus, Sirius…” Peter said, nervously. “Fancy meeting you here! My old friends, my best friends…”<br/>
Remus turned to the three teenagers, gauging their reactions. They all looked absolutely repulsed. Ron spoke up first from the bed, staring at Peter. </p><p>“What the <em>fuck</em>?” he managed. “I let you sleep in my bed, you fucking- you- you goddamn <em>pervert</em> of a man!” Harry, rather than spewing out the first thing that came to mind, was observing Peter with a kind of silent loathing. Sirius then spoke, directly to Harry.</p><p>“Harry, you see… This is the man who turned your parents over. I know it seems ridiculous, but you’re seeing this with your own eyes. I swear to you, I swear… I would’ve died a million times over before giving up Lily and J-James.” His voice shattered on the last syllable, and he reached up to wipe his eyes roughly. “I want them to get justice, I want to fucking kill this pathetic excuse of a man.” At this, Peter, who had been silently searching the room, probably for a way to escape, piped up.</p><p>“S-Sirius… you must understand… it was a terrifying time, absolutely terrifying… he <em>captured</em> me, he would’ve <em>killed</em> me! I was never brave like you three, never… you should’ve known this!” At this, Sirius, not seeming to care he didn’t have a wand, sank his right fist into Peter’s face.</p><p>“Shut <em>up</em>, you worthless fuck up! You were fucking working for him all along! We knew there was a spy in the Order ages before Lily and James were killed, you fucking planted all the reasons I thought Remus was the spy inside my head! You had been working for him for at least a year before you gladly gave up your friends, your <em>best friends</em>, to Voldemort.” As Remus hauled Sirius off, Peter mumbled something incoherently about hard choices and the terror of war, but at this point, Remus had had enough. </p><p>“Alright Sirius, you’ve been in prison long enough for someone to commit the crime you were there for. I’m gonna kill him.” At this, Peter fell to his knees and started to sob, making his way towards Harry, who had been silent throughout the interaction, still staring at Peter with a look of disgust. </p><p>“Please, dear boy…” he murmured. “Don’t let them do this to me! Your parents wouldn’t have wanted, they would’ve understood why I did what I had to…” Harry kicked him off quickly, repulsed. Harry looked to be considering something for a moment, mulling something over in his mind before speaking.</p><p>“Before I say this, I want to make it quite clear this is not for your benefit. You probably deserve death, but lucky for you, I’m here.” He looked up to Remus and Sirius. “I don’t want you to kill him.” Remus looked at him, not exactly surprised. </p><p>“You’re sure?” He said, knowing the response that he would get in return.</p><p>“Yes,” Harry said, softly, but firmly. “I won’t let you become murderers for this. Not for him. Professor, you took your potion, you’ll be fine come moonrise. We’ll take him back up the castle. That way, Sirius can actually get a trial. I don’t reckon my dad ever would’ve wanted his best mates to become killers for this,” he said, nodding at Peter. Sirius looked at him, incredulous. </p><p>“Harry, I know this is a lot, but you realize this filth is the reason your parents died? The reason me and Remus haven’t been in your lives the past twelve years?” Harry looked at him.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. But like I said, this way you can get a trial, and I don’t think my dad would’ve wanted him dead.” Sirius muttered something about how James would probably jump for joy in his grave if Peter died this instant, but it was out of Harry’s ear shot. Remus, wand still trained on Peter, looked at Harry carefully.</p><p>“If that’s what you want, that’s alright, Harry. But I want you to be sure.” Harry nodded, unwavering. “<em>Incarcerous</em>,” Remus muttered as long, thin ropes shot from his wand. They wrapped around Peter’s body and mouth, who had previously been groveling at Hermione’s feet, apparently begging for forgiveness. Remus looked towards Sirius for a reaction. As expected, he looked annoyed, but resigned. </p><p>Remus turned his gaze outside the window, noticing the moonrise was almost complete. “Right,” he said briskly. “It’s too close to moonrise to bring him all the way back to the castle. I’m going to send a message to Dumbledore, and then hopefully you’ll all be out of here by the time I turn into a wolf. If not, it's not a big deal, I'll be fine. Still, I'd rather if you weren't here.” </p><p>Truth be told, Remus was a bit scared of what form his patronus was going to take. Before… everything, it had been Padfoot. Of course, after that night, he wasn’t able to produce a patronus for a long while. The first time he managed, about four years ago, to his great relief (but also somewhat embarrassment) at the time, it had been a wolf. He knew that the corporeal form a patronus took was a representation of what the caster saw as something that made them better, something that protected them; just because once upon a time it had been Sirius, that did not mean he relied on Sirius. It meant that he felt safe around him. Now why afterwards it had been a wolf, Remus had no idea. </p><p>He did, however, have a suspicion that the image about to burst out of his wand may be a dog the dementors of Azkaban had seen escaping last July. He took a breath, summoning the clearest image he could of leaving here with Sirius, seeing Harry safe, healing the wound that was still splitting him in two from Halloween all those years ago… </p><p>A glowing, white form of Padfoot made in light materialized in front of him. Hermione smiled softly, looking at Sirius at Remus, still only about a foot away from each other. Harry looked <em>quite</em> confused. Remus then turned to look at Sirius, who was wide eyed and in shock. </p><p>“Did it… stay… after that night?” He asked. Remus shook his head.</p><p>“Last I cast it… it was a wolf. Ironic, I know. But apparently,  something happened recently to change it.” Although the look on Sirius’ face was very confused, Remus couldn't bring himself to be embarrassed. Yes, it was a massive reflection of his soul, and yes, maybe that was a bit forward for someone you hadn't seen for twelve years and had previously considered a murderer. Remus couldn't tell why he felt the way he did; the dog in front of him just felt..right.</p><p> Leaving him to explain it to a very curious Harry and Ron, Remus turned to the dog in front of him and started muttering to it. </p><p>“That...that’s <em>you</em>. When you’re. Y’know. A great big dog.” Remus could hear Harry saying this to Sirius, who last time he checked had been in a state of shock. Now, however, he sounded supremely unconcerned.</p><p>“Well, yes. It’s a bit hard to explain Harry, as this whole night has been, but all in good time, I assure you.” Remus watched as his patronus floated through the door and quickly up to the castle. </p><p>“Yes,” he agreed. “That is something I certainly do not have the brain capacity to explain at the moment.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is so fun to write omg<br/>-song lyrics from seven by Taylor Swift.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. in which moony is reunited with padfoot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW warning for mention of blood- extremely brief, but I want to be safe with it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Je te laisserai des mots<br/>
En-dessous de ta porte<br/>
En-dessous de la lune qui chante<br/>
Tout près de la place où tes pieds passent<br/>
Cachés dans les trous dans le temps d'hiver.</em>
</p><p>Remus knew a good many things about Albus Dumbledore. </p><p>He knew that Albus had offered him a spot at Hogwarts at a time when he had thought he would never get to attend. He knew that he had created a safe space for him to transform every month for seven years, providing care and medicine whenever he needed it. Dumbledore had come to him offering wolfsbane potion when it had first been perfected, giving Remus an opportunity to transform without losing his mind to a bloodthirsty wolf every thirty days. He had found a way to keep Harry safe after <em>that night</em> until he came to Hogwarts. He was a great wizard, possibly the most powerful of all time, and had devoted his life to defeating Voldemort.</p><p>He had also raised Remus and his friends to become child soldiers. From the tender age of eleven, they were taught to do the right thing, even when it was dangerous. They had been taught to do the right thing, even when it meant sacrificing yourself or the things you loved. They had been taught to keep secrets from the people closest to them. They had been taught that this was for the best. </p><p>Dumbledore had sent Remus to negotiate with werewolves who killed humans for fun, who placed themselves near muggle villages on the full moon, who enjoyed hearing the screams of young children as blood burst from their veins. He had been the reason that every night, returning home bloodied and bruised, Remus could not tell Sirius what he was doing. He had been the reason that Sirius had started to slip away from him, that they had started to fight, that Remus wasn’t even aware when the Potters went into hiding. Essentially, he had been the reason that Sirius had felt the need to make Peter the secret keeper. The reason that Remus, along with everyone else had thought Sirius was the traitor. The reason that Sirius had been in Azkaban for twelve years.</p><p>Suffice to say, Remus Lupin was not the biggest fan of Albus Dumbledore.</p><p>As such, when Dumbledore came strolling up the stairs to the shack with a serene smile on his face, Remus had to work very hard to keep his temper in check.</p><p>Not now, he said to himself. It wouldn’t do to explode in front of the children, right when he was about to turn into a wolf nonetheless. So he bit his tongue, walking briskly over to the silver haired man.</p><p>“Dumbledore,” he said coolly, unable to keep the bite out of his voice. </p><p>“Gentlemen, Miss Granger…” he replied, eyes sweeping over the room. They came to rest on Peter, who was still struggling to rid himself of the bonds holding him down, though to no avail. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. “Your patronus… wasn’t the most detailed of messages, Professor Lupin. However, I gathered the general gist of what happened. It does not appear to be hard to deduct what must be going on here.”</p><p>It took all of Remus’ willpower not to scream, not to rage, not to throw a fucking <em>tantrum</em> then and there. Dumbledore hadn’t looked at Sirius, had barely even acknowledged him or the three teenagers still standing shell shocked on the floor of the shack. He was acting like this was all fine, like this was all normal, like Sirius hadn’t been in a fucking torture prison for the past ten years. Remus steadied his breathing, knowing he had maybe ten minutes until moonrise.</p><p>“Well, if you’re so well informed, then possibly you could take these five out of the shack. Because, you know, I’m about to turn into a great slobbering wolf, and Sirius has been innocent this entire time.” The only sign of shock Dumbledore showed at these words is a slight raise of the eyebrows, but he nodded, acquiescing silently to what Remus has said. Before he could say something else, Sirius opened his mouth.</p><p>“Five?” He said, looking annoyed. “I should stay with Remus. Someone should. He’s taken wolfsbane, so it’ll be totally fine. Turning into a werewolf isn’t fun. It isn’t as though I haven’t taken care of Remus post-moon at least a hundred times.” Remus was less than pleased with this assessment. As thrilled as he was to see Sirius alive and innocent, he had no clue as to what he would say to him once they had a time to talk. He didn’t much fancy being alone with Sirius for the first time in twelve years as a wolf. </p><p>“Sirius…” he started, before being stopped by Sirius’ glare.</p><p>“Remus, this isn’t up for debate. I’m sure Dumbledore can deal with Peter for a night, he’ll come back down after and we’ll start to get all the legal shit sorted out.” This convinced Remus rather more quickly than he would have liked. Although nervous, he couldn’t help but be happy with the prospect of not being alone for the transformation all this time. He nodded slowly, a blush rising in his cheeks as he looked towards the floor.</p><p>“Right, then!” Dumbledore said, sounding far too cheery for the situation. “I will take these three and Mr. Pettigrew up to the building. I assume you’ve placed an anti-transformation charm on the ropes?” Remus nodded, rolling his eyes. Like he hadn’t made a modification to the wand movement of the <em>incarcerous</em> charm ages ago to make the detainee unable to perform any sort of magic. Dumbledore seemed amused by this, and it made Remus want to clock him in the face more than ever. Sirius took the chance to look at Harry quickly as Ron and Hermione said hurried goodbyes and scrambled back down the steps. </p><p>“Harry,” Sirius said, staring intently at him. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this. I’m sorry this is all confusing, so rushed. Tomorrow, when we have more time, we can work out the finer details of things. There’s so much you need to know, so much James would’ve wanted you to know…” he trailed off, and Harry looked at him, smiling faintly.</p><p>“It’s ok,” he said gently. Not for the first time, Remus wondered how it was possible that the boy was so kind. After everything he had been through, it could’ve easily been classified as a miracle. “I think this has gone as well as we could’ve hoped. I mean, I’m still confused, about <em>so</em> many things, but we have time now, don’t we? I’ll see you in the morning.” With that, he smiled again and followed Dumbledore at the shack. Remus stared, with his hands at his sides, with absolutely no clue what to say. Sirius turned to meet his gaze. He raised his eyebrows. </p><p>“Hi.” He said, a faint smile playing at his lips. </p><p>“H-hi..” Remus said, quite awkwardly.</p><p>“Remus, God knows I have no idea what to say right now. This is the first quality conversation I’ve had with someone for a long, <em>long</em> while, and after everything that just happened… I can’t imagine I’m the only one with a lot of emotions, and with no clue how to put them into words.” Remus soaked in Sirius’ words for a moment, trying to find something to reply with.</p><p>“Sirius, I think this might be the most overwhelmed I’ve ever been in my life. It’s been so long, and I just… it hasn’t even sunk in yet. And I’m about to turn into a wolf. What I do want to say is that I’m happy you’re here. I’m happy you’re safe. Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t know, I suppose it’ll be better when we have more time to talk. For these last minutes, can we just be happy that things seem to be a little bit ok, for the moment at least?” Remus saw something in Sirius’ grey eyes melt, and he blinked rapidly as he nodded his agreement. Remus smiled softly, walking towards him. Sirius was shuffling his feet, a mannerism Remus recognized from when they were young. He was nervous.</p><p>“I’m happy, too,” he whispered, barely meeting Remus’ eyes. With that, the first beam of moonlight pierced through the window, and Remus lurched back, shutting his eyes with the instant pain it brought. Sirius was holding his arm in an instant, not bothering to transform. It took Remus a moment to remember that he didn’t have to, overwhelmed with the memories of every time Padfoot had run wild with the wolf. Sirius was murmuring quiet words of comfort, and soon, the transformation was complete. </p><p>Remus looked down at his paws, now feeling quite stupid. Even though he was glad he wasn’t currently trying to eat Sirius, it was massively embarrassing to have to be on all fours, with a tail, with a very human mind, in front of a very human man. He supposed his discomfort must’ve showed on his face somehow, because Sirius burst into laughter. The sight twisted Remus’ heart painfully as he realized how much he had missed it.</p><p>“Alright,” Sirius said finally, still smiling. “This is even more awkward than when you were human.” So he shut his eyes, and in a few more moments, Padfoot was standing in his place. He padded softly over to Remus’ wolf, sitting down and letting out a distinct yawn. With this, Remus realized just how exhausted he was as well. Sirius wrapped himself around Remus, just as they had when they were kids, and Remus decided to let himself pretend for the night. He settled down, closing his eyes and focusing on Padfoot’s breathing. If he focused hard enough, he swore he could feel an antler nudging his side, and the weight of a rat on his shoulder. For the night, Remus let himself pretend that they were all together again. He let himself pretend that Sirius would wake him up with gentle kisses and cuddles, with James and Peter by his side.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Remus was sitting in Dumbledore’s office, across from the headmaster, rubbing sleep from his eyes.</p><p>The morning went as well as he could’ve hoped for. He had woken to Sirius holding his arm awkwardly as he shuddered back into human form, and before he had time to do more than throw a blanket over himself, Dumbledore had come into the shack, that annoyingly serene smile still on his face. He had smuggled Sirius into the castle, presumably to the Room of Requirement, and then brought Remus back to his office.</p><p>They were awaiting an official from the Ministry of Magic, Amelia Bones, who would supposedly be there within the hour. Peter was still locked up in the dungeons with a guard (God knew who), so Remus could only assume that they need only agree to the use of veritaserum to have a fair and successful trial. </p><p>“Remus,” Dumbledore started, tenting his hands on the desk. “I can imagine that at the current moment, you are… less than pleased with me.” At this, Remus found the last of his self control used up and gone. He scoffed, quite impressively.</p><p>“<em>Really</em>, Headmaster?” Even though he was pissed, old habits die hard. “That’s a fucking understatement. All that secrecy bullshit, not telling each other so that we would be <em>safe</em>, so that no one could <em>betray</em> us, how the fuck did that seem to work out? Sirius has been locked inside that- that- that <em>hellhole</em> for twelve years, and you look less than fucking surprised. So excuse me, if I’m less than pleased. Actually, I’m fucking furious. If you hadn’t planted all that shit inside our heads, this never would’ve fucking happened! Sirius would’ve never gone to Azkaban, and Lily and James would still be here. Alive.” Dumbledore fixed him with that piercing gaze, looking thoughtful but unapologetic.</p><p>“I believe that is where you are wrong. There was still a traitor, was there not? One of your closest friends? How was I to know which amongst the Order it would be?” At this, Remus spluttered for a moment. </p><p>“You fucking- that is- that is not the fucking same, and you know it. Sirius wasn’t ‘one of my closest friends’, I spent every fucking minute with him! We shared a flat! We shared a bank account! We fucking shared a bed! You really fucking think that things wouldn’t have been better if we had been a bit more honest with each other? Hadn’t been scared out of our wits that everyone around us was the enemy? Fuck’s sake, Dumbledore,” Remus said, laughing derisively. “Think that maybe, while we were <em>fucking</em>, it could’ve been a little better to not be scared one of us was plotting the downfall of everything the other held dear?” He realized that at some point during his tirade, he had risen to his feet, and was now glaring down his nose at the headmaster. Dumbledore now had the decency to look at least a little bit sorry.</p><p>“Remus, you have every right to be angry. You have every right to be sad, and frustrated, even at me. However, what’s done is now done. You must be prepared to recount exactly what happened tonight, as well as twelve years ago, as soon as Madame Bones steps through that fireplace. The Ministry will not be eager to reopen this case, and the sooner we have testimonies, an agreement to veritaserum, and a court date, the better.” Remus sat down, scowling at the floor. </p><p>“Doesn’t Sirius have to be here? To agree to it? And to show he’s like, alive, and not a raging lunatic?”</p><p>“Mr. Black is in a secure place, at the moment. I did not think it wise to parade him around the school, given the current climate.” Remus rolled his eyes for perhaps the tenth time in as many hours, annoyed at the condescending edge in Dumbledore’s voice. “Rest assured, you will see Mr. Black quite soon. In fact, I was hoping that after he is a free man, you would be willing to provide him with...accommodations.” At this, Remus looked up, opening his mouth to reply as the floo turned green and a woman tumbled through it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone has an amazing start to their week!<br/>-song lyrics from Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. in every sense of the word</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Oh brother, sweetheart<br/>
I'm feeling so tired really falling apart<br/>
And it just don't make sense to me<br/>
I really don't know<br/>
Why you stick right next to me or wherever I go.</em>
</p><p>Half an hour later, Remus had condensed the past twelve years of his life into a single statement for Sirius’ freedom. It had all come rushing back to him, much more so than it had in the shack. Whether it was the wear of the moon, the loss of adrenaline, or the intimidation of a Ministry official, he had no idea. All Remus knew was that whatever God he had stopped believing in ages ago had finally answered his prayers. Madame Bones was a powerful witch, but fair and kind. Remus remembered her from school, a fifth year Hufflepuff when he started. As she finished her notes, she looked up with a subtle yet distinct note of pain in her eyes.</p><p>“Off the record,” she started, “I never wanted to believe it was true. I know I didn’t know any of you boys well, but Sirius Black and James Potter… anyone could see how close they were. I just could never picture how he betrayed them.” Remus gave a wry smile.</p><p>“I never thought Peter could either, but here we are. War does terrible things to people, Madame Bones.” She gave a pained nod, looking down quickly to pack up her briefcase. She then looked up again, seemingly regaining some of her composure.</p><p>“Well, I doubt you have anything to worry about. As long as Black consents to the use of veritaserum, it should be a done deal. The case will probably be some time soon, within a month. It’s not like we have much more going on at the moment. However, he’ll need to stay in a holding cell until such time as he is released.” She saw Remus’ look of anger at this, and backtracked swiftly. “Nothing like Azkaban, I assure you. Just a cell at the Ministry. You’re free to visit whenever you like.” Remus, although not placated, knew a losing battle when he saw one. </p><p>“Alright. I’d like to speak to him, here, before you take him if it’s possible.” There was no way he was letting Sirius go off to some dungeon before getting a chance to say something, <em>anything</em>, to him. Bones’ eyes scanned over him appraisingly. Remus wasn’t sure what his expression held, but her eyes seemed to soften when they reached his face.</p><p>“That is perfectly fine. I will leave you to say what you must, and then take him with me when I return to the Ministry.” Dumbledore, who had been standing looking out the window since Madame Bones had arrived, turned about and clapped his hands cheerfully. Remus scowled.</p><p>“Wonderful! May I lead the way?” Without waiting for an answer, he waltzed out of the door, humming quietly humming under his breath.</p><p><em>The audacity</em>, Remus thought to himself. He took the time to pat Fawkes gently on the head before following Dumbledore out and down the spiral staircase.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Remus pushed open the door of the Room of Requirement to see Sirius sitting on a chair cross legged, looking at the floor. He looked around in awe for a moment. This room never ceased to amaze him.</p><p>This particular visit, the walls were made out of a dark, paneled oakwood. There were comfortable chairs scattered around the place, in hues of orange, brown, and yellow. Blankets and pillows littered every sitting space, and there was a sink and a cabinet which Remus assumed held cutlery. There was a double bed pushed up into the corner, with a deep maroon colored bedspread. Remus smiled at this. The room had clearly sensed Sirius’ need for something that felt like home. Overall, the room held an overwhelming sense of safety, something Remus assumed Sirius was very grateful for. Not that he would ever admit it, the proud bastard. </p><p>Remus cleared his throat, causing Sirius to look up immediately. Another one of those soft smiles graced his lips, and Remus felt his heart soar.</p><p>“Hello again,” Sirius said, sounding a bit stronger than he had the night before. “The room really outdid itself, I must say.” Remus stood there smiling like an idiot for a moment more, before Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Look, I know I’m pretty, but c’mon Remus. Say something.” Remus felt the heat rise in his cheeks. That was <em>exactly</em> the sort of thing Sirius would have said twelve years ago. He shook his head and laughed softly, walking towards Sirius and sitting down across from him.</p><p>“I just talked to Amelia Bones to give a statement. She says you’re golden, and the trial should be in a month, if that. Only downside is you’ve got to stay in one of their cells ‘til the trial.” Sirius nodded, looking thoughtful.</p><p>“Yes, I’m not surprised. I mean, if I was a backstabbing murderous lunatic, it wouldn’t be a good look for me to get away from them. Again. Are they going to use veritaserum? God knows that could’ve saved some time if I’d actually had a trial the first time around.” </p><p>Remus felt the same anger that had encased him since the night before rising up inside him. He hadn’t had the wherewithal to think anything of it at the time, but the fact Sirius had never gotten a trial made his blood boil. What’s the point of a justice system if justice isn’t part of the equation?</p><p>“Yeah,” he murmured. He had no idea what to say to Sirius. There was no good option, really. He loved Sirius? Had never stopped in the first place? Had been so angry <em>because</em> he never stopped? He missed him as a friend? He missed him as more? He still thought Sirius was his soulmate? He steeled himself, knowing his time was limited. </p><p>“Sirius, I don’t have much time, and I have no idea how to say this. I know you might think it’s fucked, and I wouldn’t blame you. Even if you don’t, I understand why all of it would put you off. But before this all becomes <em>real</em>, before you’re officially a free man, I feel like I have to say it. When I found out what happened that night, or I guess what I thought happened that night, I was the angriest I’ve ever been in my life. Which, as you know, is quite a statement. I was mad at myself for not checking in more often, I was mad at Voldemort for the fucking obvious reasons, I was mad at Peter for dying, I was mad at Lily and James for not telling me where they had gone. And then, of course, I was mad at you.</p><p>“I honestly thought the rage would just burn through me, and I’d somehow magically off myself by accident. I thought back to every single time I had been open with you, and wondered if it was all a lie.” </p><p>He could see Sirius’ eyes clouding up with emotion, and wanted nothing more than to lean forward and hold him. However, he knew if he was going to say what needed to be said, he couldn’t stop now. </p><p>“Every happy memory I had with you was suddenly poisoned somehow, like someone had put a filter on it. I considered going to Azkaban to ask you why you did it. Or to kill you. Or to sob and tell you I didn’t believe it, that it never could’ve been you. Most of all, I was angry with myself, because I couldn’t ever stop thinking about you. I hated you so much. <em>So</em> much, but I hated myself so much more because through all of that, there was this part of me that still was absolutely, irrevocably in love with you. I kept it shut inside this tiny box, as far away from my consciousness as possible, but there were always moments when something stirred up a memory that just ripped a hole through me.” </p><p>Sirius was looking at him with one of the most intense gazes Remus had ever seen. The grey seemed to be boring into Remus’ own amber eyes, forcing him to confront everything he had thought and felt for Sirius the past twelve years.</p><p>“A little while ago, Harry came to me, saying he’d found the map. He didn’t know we made it, and insisted that it musn’t work, because he saw a man he thought to be dead on it. Peter Pettigrew. I felt that box, which I had tried my very hardest to forget, just fucking burst open. The logical part of me thought that there must be an explanation, that there was no way Peter was the guilty one. But the other part of me felt like something finally clicked into place.</p><p>“Every single thought I had about you seemed to just shoot to the surface of my brain, and I kept getting hit by these vivid memories all the time, no matter what I was doing. And then I saw you. In the shack. And I realized it was all true. And God, Sirius, I’ve said a lot of shit the past few minutes, and I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this. I still love you. As friends, as more than friends, as everything in between. And I don’t want to make you feel awkward, or weird, or like you have to reciprocate. Just because I haven’t gotten over you in twelve years doesn’t mean you have to feel the same.”</p><p>Remus swiped a hand through his hair, looking agitated. He could feel the nerves billowing up in his stomach after this admission, and Sirius’ face was unreadable.</p><p>“I just knew if I didn’t tell, I’d go insane.” Remus tried to search Sirius’ eyes again after this final statement, waiting for any sign of what the other man was feeling. Now that it was over, he felt incredibly stupid. Like Sirius would want to hear his high school sweetheart was still in love with him after being psychologically tortured for twelve years. Stupid, stupid, <em>stupid</em>. He had half a mind to run out of the room to Australia and change his name when Sirius made a small, strained noise. Remus looked up so quickly he his neck crick, and he saw a single tear falling down Sirius’ pale, aristocratic, stupidly beautiful face.</p><p>“Rem…” He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking like he had no idea what he wanted to say. </p><p>“I… Merlin, this is hard. That was a lot… to hear. I haven’t really had people say a whole lot of positive things to me after...everything. First, I want to say I’m sorry. For not trusting you, for pulling away. It’s all my fault, they would still be here if not for me forcing the switch.” Remus opened his mouth to point out this was in no way, shape, or form Sirius’ fault, but he received a gentle hand in an indication of silence.</p><p>“That’s what it feels like, anyway. I don’t know how to say any of this, really. But every day, in that fucking cell, I thought about you. It was hard to think about… the happy times… what with the dementors, but I always retained my sanity. When I tried, I could still get these blinding flashes of lights, from happy memories. Even the memories of us fighting each other, sobbing, crying, I knew they must be there because there was also happiness. Every full moon, I looked out the bars and prayed to a God I didn’t believe in that you were ok. I constantly thought about how you must hate me, what you must think of me, and how you must think all of what I felt for you was a lie. </p><p>“It was so hard, Remus, so fucking hard. Even when I tried to pull away from you, I was never not in love with you. It killed me to think that you were somehow on Voldemort’s side, and it killed me even more because if you were, there was still that part of me that couldn’t not love you. Kind of like that little box you talked about. I don’t want to lie to you. I have a lot of shit to unpack. And I mean a <em>lot</em>. I’ve been through some shit, as I’m sure you have as well, and it’ll not be easy for me to live with myself, or even try to achieve some level of happiness. From the first time I met you, I loved you. As we grew older, in more than one sense. I don’t think it’s a coincidence we’re the only ones… together, here, now. What I’m trying to say, now, is that I love you. In every sense of the word.</p><p>“We’re not the same as we were. We never will be, and we’ll always have to live with what we thought about each other. But if you’ll have it… I want to try to heal with you. I’ve been locked away the past twelve years Rem. I want to experience new things. I know that’s selfish, but at the moment it’s hard to bring myself to care. I want to see new things. Do new things. I want to live again. With you.” </p><p>At this point, Remus didn’t know if Sirius was planning on saying more, and didn’t care. He practically threw himself over to Sirius’ chair and threw his arms around him in a tight embrace. He had no intention of letting go. He could feel the tears streaming down his own face, and hear Sirius’ shaky laugh as he clutched onto Remus in return. He was holding the jumper Sirius now wore, courtesy of the room. He breathed in Sirius’ scent, his innocence, his love that was practically radiating off his body in waves. Love for Remus.</p><p>“Look at us,” he murmured into Sirius’ hair. “A right tragedy.” He heard Sirius sigh contentedly, and his heart broke again. He had missed that sound so, so fucking much.</p><p>“Oh yes, quite,” Sirius agreed, nestling his head into Remus’ shoulder. “But isn’t there something obscenely beautiful in that?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read this. I know to many people, these kudos, hits, and comments may not seem like a lot, but they mean the absolute world to me. Every time I get a notification about a comment or kudos, I get insanely happy. I didn't think a single person would even click on this story, and I just want you guys to know how much it really does mean to me.<br/>-song lyrics from My Kind of Woman by Mac DeMarco.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. minerva mcgonagall; the most badass woman ever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>One day though it might<br/>
as well be someday<br/>
You and I will rise up all the way<br/>
All because of what you are<br/>
The Prettiest Star.</em></p><p>

The second day after Sirius had been sent off to the little cell at the Ministry, Remus awoke to a sharp rapping on his flat door at 4 in the morning. He quickly grabbed his wand from under his pillow, panic running through him as he bolted to the door. Visions of blood, bodies, and snakes in the sky plagued his mind. Things learnt as a child soldier were not easy to forget. He blinked in surprise when he saw who the incessant knocker was.</p><p>Minerva McGonagall stood in front of him, in a tartan nightgown and bonnet. This did absolutely nothing to still the terror that ran through Remus’ blood at the sight of her, her wand drawn with the most furious expression he had ever seen on someone’s face.</p><p>“<em>You</em>!” She nearly shrieked, wand pointed straight at Remus’ head. He tried to back into the flat, but McGonagall followed him. “You mean to tell me- that you found Sirius, <em>my Sirius, the one who I’ve been mourning the past twelve years</em>, innocent two days ago, and you never thought to tell me?” Her voice was shaking in anger, and Remus opened and closed his mouth without making a sound.</p><p>“I-I mean, there’s been a lot going on…”</p><p>“I <em>adored</em> that boy! All four of you miscreants! I cared for you more than any other students I’ve ever had, you were like my <em>children</em>! And now, when- when my son, for Merlin’s sake, has been found <em>innocent</em>, and you <em>didn’t think to tell me</em>? Remus John Lupin, you are getting your arse into proper clothing <em>this instant</em> and we are going to visit that boy <em>now</em>.” </p><p>“Minnie, I…”</p><p>“<em>Don’t you Minnie me Mr. Lupin</em>.” She looked almost apoplectic with rage. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Remus wondered if he would rather face Voldemort than an enraged Minerva McGonagall.</p><p>“Minerva- Professor- I’m sorry. I know how close you and Sirius were. It’s just, having him back has been a great change for me too. Seeing him, for the first time after all those years… you know who he was to me. Is to me.” A great shudder seemed to pass through McGonagall’s face, and before Remus could comprehend what was happening, she was sobbing. Remus was shocked. He had never seen Minerva McGonagall lose her composure like that. Even when she had come to drag him out of his self-induced high after that terrible night and tell him to get his shit together before he killed himself, she had been poised.</p><p>Minerva McGonagall was lowering her shields because of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin</p><p>“Remus, I’m sorry…” she was taking great breaths, trying to stem the steady flow of tears running down her face. “After everything he went through… James was his best friend. And you, you’re his everything. I could never understand how it happened, and I feel so guilty now. For not fighting more. For ever letting the thought cross my mind.” </p><p>“I feel the same,” Remus whispered. They had somehow made it to the sitting room, each on a chair at the wooden table. “When I saw him, I had no idea why I had ever believed it at all. He’s been- <em>there</em>- for so long, and for a moment I was scared that when I got him back, it was never going to be truly him again.” He gave a weak, barely there laugh. “Course he proved me wrong, he’s the same Sirius he always was, just a bit rough around the edges. I’m sure we’ll uncover lots of horrid trauma soon enough, but for right now it’s enough to know that it’s him.”</p><p>“My boys…” McGonagall said softly, reaching across the table for Remus’ hand. “Come daylight, we’re going to visit him.” Remus nodded his agreement, and shuffled off to make a pot of tea. </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Remus and Minerva were out the door at 7 o’clock sharp. Neither of them had slept at all. They made their way briskly through London to the red phone booth, Remus quickly dialling 62442. McGonagall looked rather pinched around the face, and Remus knew it was from the nerves.</p><p>“Look,” he said, turning to face her as they descended into the ministry. “He’s still the same. Disturbingly so. Obviously he’s gone through a lot, but he’s still the same boy who used to sprint through the corridors shrieking ‘Minnie’ at the top of his lungs.” McGonagall gave a shaky laugh.</p><p>“I know. They always said he seemed oddly normal at that place. It’s just so hard, to think, that everyone thought for all those years… everyone blamed it on his family, said it was no surprise another Black turned out like this. It’s just, so… I feel so awful.”</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Remus replied as they started to exit the booth. The black stone tiles covering the atrium were gleaming, and Remus was yet again reminded how much he fucking hated everyone there. “It’s been two days, and I’m still the angriest I’ve been in my life. He didn’t even get a trial. To think all of this could’ve been avoided with just a bit of veritaserum… Christ.” The pair took the lift down to the holding area, and Remus noticed all the dirty glares he was getting.</p><p>No one had respect for a werewolf.</p><p>They approached the cell after security to see Sirius sleeping on the cot, balled under the covers like a rock. In his sleep, the stress and worry lines from the past twelve years seemed to fade away. He looked the same as he had when Remus had woken up next to him every day, before everything had gone to shit. Cheekbones that could cut glass, and ebony hair surrounding his head like a halo. Remus smiled at the sight, trying to count his blessings that this man wasn’t guilty, and they were going to be ok. He rapped gently at the wall next to the bars to try to wake Sirius.</p><p>He sat bolt upright, fingers automatically grasping for the wand he didn’t have. Upon seeing Remus, he sighed and relaxed. The guard opened the door, and Remus hurried quickly in. Sirius sighed, smiling at him. McGonagall, who had previously been out of sight, followed Remus into the cell, and Sirius locked eyes with her.</p><p>“Minnie!” He gasped, jumping off of the caught and launching himself across the cell to hug her. “Minnie I didn’t do it, I don't know if Moony told you but I swear, never, I never would’ve…” he continued babbling incoherently, and McGonagall embraced him tightly.</p><p>“I know dear boy, I know,” she said, tears filling her eyes again. “I’m so sorry this has has happened, I’m so sorry, we’re going to get you out.” Sirius retracted his arms, eyes shining with unshed tears. They seemed to have an unspoken conversation, McGonagall fussing with his hair and straightening his jumper.</p><p>“Knowing you thought I had done it… Minnie that was the worst of all. I just thought about everything you had done for me, everything you had done to tell me that I’m not like my family, and then you must’ve thought that something went wrong, that I ended up just like them…” For the first time in Remus’ life, he saw Minerva McGonagall completely speechless. It was not an experience he ever  wished to repeat. She simply gathered Sirius into her arms again, tears falling down her nose. After a few minutes, a thought seemed cross her mind. </p><p>She looked up at Remus, and he could feel the anger radiating off of her. </p><p>“I am going to <em>murder</em> Albus Dumbledore.” Remus and Sirius let out choked laughs.</p><p>“Oh, I already raged at him, don’t you worry,” Remus said, smiling slightly.</p><p>“Yeah, you know him. Quite the drama queen, this one,” Sirius said, turning to beam at Remus. He shook his head, looking into those grey eyes he so adored. </p><p>Sirius moved away from McGonagall, pulling Remus into a hug. Remus nestled his face into Sirius’ hair and cradled his head, noting that he had showered. Good. He pulled back away after a moment, looking down to meet Sirius’ eyes.</p><p>“Hello again,” he said. This was exactly what he had said the past two times he had visited Sirius, and he could tell the other man also took comfort in the  familiarity of it. Being able to say hi, being able to hug each other, being able to smile. </p><p>“Hi,” Sirius said, still smiling brilliantly. McGonagall cleared her throat, and they whipped around to see her looking at them fondly.</p><p>“I think I’ll leave you two alone now,” she said, moving towards the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow to visit, and everyday after that, alright Sirius?” He blew her a kiss. </p><p>“See you then Minnie. I’ve missed you terribly.” She laughed softly, exiting the cell.</p><p>“So,” Remus said, sitting down on the bed. “How are you? Honestly.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“Alright, I suppose,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about the trial, rather than… dwelling. I have a fear that it’ll get worse upon leaving here, once I have time to actually reflect on what happened. I’ve not been one to deal well with emotions, you know that. Much as I hate to say it, I don’t think the stint in Azkaban exactly helped my coping mechanisms.” Remus nodded fervently. </p><p>“Yeah, I know,” he said, taking one of Sirius’ hands with his own and playing with it gently. “But you know I’m gonna be there for whatever you need, for whatever happens. Please don’t lock yourself away. I agree with you, I think after this, it’s liable to get a lot worse.” He looked up to meet Sirius’ eyes. “You know as well as I that communication was never exactly our strong suit. But if this,” he gestured between himself and Sirius, “Is going to work, we have to talk to each other. Neither of us are going to be able to process any of this on our own.” </p><p>Sirius sat on the bed next to Remus.</p><p>“I won’t lock you out again. I promise Remus.” The look in his eyes was so earnest that Remus wanted to kiss him, cell be damned. <em>Not now, not now, he’s not ready</em>, he repeated to himself in a silent mantra. </p><p>“Good. We’re going to get you out of here, soon. We’re going to be ok, Sirius.” Sirius smiled wryly.</p><p>“I’d like to think that,” he said, casting his eyes to the floor. “But we’ve never been good at holding onto the things that make us happy.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks, many tears, lots of bittersweet memories, and a fuckton of paperwork later, Sirius Black was ready to have his day in trial.</p><p>Remus was scared shitless.</p><p>He knew, logically, that Sirius would be exonerated. There was quite literally no way that he wouldn’t be. They still had Peter in custody, Sirius had agreed to the use of veritaserum, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Remus himself would provide their own testimonies. However, Remus knew firsthand how cruel life could be. How it could take everything you ever loved away in the blink of an eye. Remus was no stranger to pain, and he found himself expecting the worst after everything. . </p><p>Remus was still visiting Sirius every day. From what he could tell, Sirius seemed… disturbingly alright. Now, to most people, this would seem like a good thing. But Remus Lupin was no fool. He had known Sirius since he was eleven, and he was honest-to-God the most dramatic person he’d ever met, as has been confirmed  by everyone to ever come in contact with him. No, this supposed nonchalance was very concerning. </p><p>Even a more emotionally stable man than Sirius would have a boatload of trauma from Azkaban; Sirius had said as much in he and Remus’ talks. It was only a matter of time before he crumbled, and although terrified, Remus was determined to be there when he did. Although not able to see him nearly as much as he would’ve liked, having Sirius back provided Remus with the blinding joy he had been missing for twelve years. He had retained all of his mannerisms whilst in Azkaban, and Remus didn’t know if he wanted to sob or snog Sirius’ face off whenever he barked out a laugh or crinkled his nose when he heard something he didn’t like.</p><p>Not that Remus had initiated much physical contact other than brief hugs. Although he had held Sirius after they reconnected, he didn’t want to push his luck. He knew Sirius had not been provided with any positive touch since in nearly thirteen years, and he wanted nothing less to make him uncomfortable. He let Sirius initiate most things physical, making sure to tell him with words how happy he was to see him.</p><p>That, and a cell wasn’t the most appropriate place to make wildly romantic gestures. </p><p>As far as cells go, Remus supposed it could be worse. Along with the cot, it had a sink and toilet and a little chair to sit in. Sirius had nearly sighed when his back hit the dingy mattress for the first time, and it had broken Remus’ heart knowing what conditions he had previously been in.</p><p>It was also hard for Remus to forgive himself. Knowing that the past twelve years, he had believed that his Sirius could commit those despicable acts made him feel a deep shame in the pit of his stomach. He had spent years hating Sirius, wishing him dead or insane. Cursing every memory of him, screaming and raging at the mere mention of his name. He tried to remind himself that Sirius had thought the same about him for a time, that Sirius had now forgiven him, but it was hard not to blame himself. Remus had barely questioned what happened. Hadn’t really given a great effort to acceptance, or healing. No, he had done what Remus Lupin does best: drown himself in drugs, booze, and sex rather than face his feelings.</p><p>At least now he had Sirius to be broken alongside him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so excited to get past the trial and beyond ah!</p><p>-song lyrics from The Prettiest Star by David Bowie.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the pain that grips our hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW for brief mention of suicidal thoughts- not at all graphic, just a sentence or two,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>My head is filled with parasites<br/>
Black holes cover up my eyes<br/>
I dream of you almost every night<br/>
Hopefully I won’t wake up this time.</em>
</p><p><em>Midnight, October 31st, 1981.</em><br/>
Remus got off the tube, exhausted from another day of searching for a muggle job in an attempt to pay some of the bills at his apartment. Well. Sirius’ apartment. They had gotten into another spat the day before; nothing new. Sirius made an offhand comment about how Remus was getting home awfully late nowadays, and how he wondered why that could possibly be.</p><p>Remus had flared up at once, asking Sirius how he would like to go try and find a muggle job where he had to be out a few days a month. Sirius had stared at him from across the room, cold and unfeeling. Not the Sirius Remus was used to. Remus was used to fights where Sirius yelled, or cried, or both. The aristocratically perfect face was unnerving, to say the least. Not that it mattered much. Remus had been sleeping on the couch for two weeks now. </p><p>Rubbing sleep out of his eyes, Remus trudged along the sidewalk, before hearing a loud bang. He whipped out his wand on instinct, immediately alert. He turned his head back and forth quickly, before seeing a large pink pinwheel in the sky. Fireworks. He looked around again, more bewildered than panicked. He hadn’t seen such a blatant display of <em>joy</em> in so long. He wandered towards where the noise had come from, slowly growing to hear what sounded like screaming- no, singing. Definitely singing. His heart stopped. There was no way that anyone could possibly be cheering, unless-</p><p>“<em>He’s gone, he’s gone, the Dark Lord is gone! We’re all saved!</em>”  Repeated over and over, like a mantra. Remus felt lightheaded, dizzy with happiness. Who gave a fuck if he hadn’t found a job? So what if he and Sirius were having some troubles? Voldemort was <em>gone</em>. He started running down the street, grinning wildly. He wanted to go hold James, Lily, Peter and Sirius- they had done it! All of the fighting had been worth it, James had been right. The marauders were ok, they were forever. They’d made it. Anything and everything else could wait until he was telling each of them how much he loved them. Starting to turn down a more quiet street to disapparate, he heard a conversation that sounded more hushed.</p><p>“<em>The Potters… dead...their son, made it out to relatives alive… Peter Pettigrew, nothing but a finger… Sirius Black, just like his family…</em>” Remus stopped dead. No. No, no. Definitely not. Remus battled with himself for a moment, before turning on his heel and apparating to Godric’s Hollow.</p><p>It was a war zone. Leaves blown everywhere, debris and trash scattered for fifty feet in every direction of the Potters’ cottage. The top right corner of the house, on fire. The ivy Lily loved lay scorched across the walkway. Remus felt his throat constrict, and he rushed into the house, though he knew what he would find. </p><p>Not five paces into the house, Remus saw a crop of unruly black hair and a flash of brown skin. He rounded the corner to see James’ body, eyes open and lifeless. He felt nothing but shock. Pure, unadulterated shock. Not James. This wasn’t real. This was a joke, they were eleven years old, and James was simply playing dead in an effort to scare Sirius. But no. There lay James Potter, without a smirk or cheerful comment. Beyond saving. Remus could do nothing else but stumble up the stairs before coming across Lily, lying facing the door. In death, her mouth was set in a firm line, and Remus could see the determination that must have been her last attempt at keeping her family safe. An empty crib stood behind her. The understanding slowly caught up with Remus. </p><p>Sirius had given them up. He had been their secret keeper, he was the one they trusted above all others. He was the only one who had known where they were. It made no sense. Not Sirius. It couldn’t be. His Sirius had held Remus after transformations, been James’ brother by everything but blood…<br/>
No. Not <em>his</em> Sirius. Not Remus’ anymore. Never Remus’. Always his family’s. Always Voldemort’s. Remus supposed he should’ve known this most of all. There’s no changing who you are, no matter how hard you’d like to try.</p><p>Quite suddenly, the shock was replaced by something much more tangible. Remus felt a jagged pain rip through his entire body. He stumbled down the stairs, past James’ body and into the street before throwing up. Heartbreak. The pain ripped through his soul like fire, like a white hot knife. It hadn’t mattered. They had given up everything, they had fought, they had stuck together as hard as they could. What did it matter, in the end? The world had other plans for them. For bright, happy James. For strong, sweet Lily. For innocent, well meaning Peter. For headstrong, courageous Si- <em>no</em>, Remus thought to himself. <em>Not his name. Not his face. Not his memory. Never again</em>. </p><p>He could still hear the celebrations going on just outside the neighborhood. It sickened him. Why was there happiness? Why were people rejoicing? Did they know the <em>cost</em> of this war? Did they know what had just been lost? Everything should be dark, miserable. Surely this, the tears wracking his frame, the air he couldn’t take in, this all consuming grief- surely this was the end of the world. It couldn’t still be the same world, not with his best friends dead and his once-soulmate a traitor. At this thought, part of the pain in Remus soul turned to anger.</p><p>Remus Lupin had opened himself up to Sirius Black.</p><p>He had loved him.</p><p>He had told him secrets that had plagued him all his life.</p><p>He had let Sirius play his body like it was his favorite instrument, let him kiss all of the scars that marred his skin, told him he was the only real thing in the world.</p><p>All of it had been a lie. </p><p>The grief returned in ten fold, and Remus stumbled into the nearest alley, clutching his stomach and screaming until his vocal chords could no longer take the weight of his pain.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p><em>June, 1994.</em><br/>
Remus went to visit Sirius in the cell for what would hopefully be the last time the night before the trial. He had been a wreck the entire day, continuously going over his testimony. Thinking that in less than twenty-four hours, Sirius could be a free man, was a lot to handle. It was no secret that the years hadn’t been kind to them, but Remus hoped that they would heal together, like Sirius had said.</p><p>He ventured down the shiny black tiled hall, listening to his footsteps echo off the walls. It was completely deserted, save for the occasional guard. Remus passed the doorway he knew Peter’s cell to be off of, and involuntarily shivered. It was still hard to accept that Peter, Peter had been the reason their lives had been ripped apart. It almost made less sense than Sirius having done it; Peter had been sweet, loving, and stupid.</p><p>Although, Remus supposed that as they got older, that must have been the perfect cover for his betrayal. He hadn’t visited Peter. Not even to rage, or scream, or gloat. It was too much to process, too much hurt to try and regulate at the moment. </p><p>But then again, Remus was never a stranger to pain.</p><p>As he approached Sirius’ cell, he gave the guard a curt nod, allowing her to sweep her wand over him in a security charm. As soon as she was opening the door, Remus walked inside to find Sirius sitting cross legged on the bed, resting his chin in his hands. He looked sad.</p><p>Within the past two and a half weeks, there had been good days. There had been bad days as well. It seemed that the weight of the past twelve years had finally caught up to Sirius in that dingy little cell, and Remus would never forget the first time he broke down in his arms, screaming at the world. All the pain had seemed to be pour out of him like poison, and Sirius had shattered a lightbulb accidentally with the magic he inadvertently produced.</p><p>So, Remus smiled at him tentatively, holding his arms out for a hug. Sirius looked up, brightening up a bit at seeing Remus. It didn’t reach his eyes. They were still a dull grey, rather than the bright and sparkling color Remus associated with his own happiness.</p><p>“Hello again,” he said. Sirius rolled his eyes, huffing a small laugh.</p><p>“Hi.” He stood up and walked over to Remus, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into his neck. He sighed softly, and Remus stroked his hair. </p><p>“You excited to be a free man, finally?” Remus asked, pulling back to look at him. Sirius bit his lip.</p><p>“Yeah, it’ll be nice not to have to dig my snout into the trash to eat, I s’pose. But I don’t know. The past few days have been… hard.” Remus took Sirius’ hand and walked him to the cot, crawling across to sit against the wall and stretch his legs.</p><p>“Alright,” he prompted. “What’s up? Please tell me, Sirius. I want to help you; we have to communicate if we want to heal.” Sirius nodded absently, not quite meeting Remus’ eyes.</p><p>“I keep… dreaming about them.” Remus did not need to guess who Sirius was referring to. “Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes I dream that they’re screaming at me, telling me it’s all my fault. You know, for saying Peter would be the best choice.” He let out a shaky exhale, tightening his grip on Remus’ hands. “And I think that they’re right. When- when they tell me I’m the reason they’re dead. I am. I killed them, really. If not for me, they’d still be here.” Remus could feel the guilt, grief and shame radiating off the other man. It broke his heart into a million pieces.</p><p>“No, Sirius, no…” he said, trying to find the words to reassure him. Sirius raised his hand, cutting him off. </p><p>“Rey, I know what you’re going to say, but I have to say all of this. I have to let someone know how I feel, or else I’m going to end up killing myself.” Reluctantly, Remus nodded.  Sirius took a breath before continuing. “Then sometimes, I dream of… before. Sometimes as far back a first and second year. I’ll dream of a stupid prank we pulled, one of the times he let me cry to him about my shitty family, us laughing at absolutely nothing.” Remus could see how glassy Sirius’ eyes were becoming. “Those ones almost hurt more. We were- we were <em>so close</em>, Rey. We had almost made it. And then he, Voldemort just…” he made a grasping motion with the hand not intertwined with Remus’. Remus barely needed to think before he spoke.</p><p>“I know. It hurts like fucking hell. That was exactly what I thought, that night, before I found out why he was gone. I thought that with everything we had been through, all the shit we were going through with our relationship, Lily and James shut off from the world for all that time. I thought it had been worth it.” Sirius’ eyes finally met Remus’, and there was a great pain in them.</p><p>“Why?” he whispered, a tear falling down his cheek. “Remus, I miss them, I miss him <em>so fucking much</em>. The reason I stayed in that fucking cell, every day, was because I knew I was the reason they were dead. The world ended that day, it didn’t matter what happened to me or anyone else. Out of everyone, everyone that was fighting, why <em>them</em>?” Remus felt a lump in his throat and pricks at the corner of his eyes. “They were the best of us, they were the strongest, James- he- Remus, it wasn’t <em>supposed</em> to be them. It should’ve been me, it should’ve been me before James, before Lily, before any of them.” </p><p>Remus could feel a steady stream of tears falling down his face now, but he paid it no mind.</p><p>“I don’t know. I thought the same thing, all those years ago. I couldn’t understand why people were celebrating, how they felt like there was any joy left in the world. It didn’t matter that day that Voldemort had gone, he had managed to take anyone I ever loved with him. I- the feeling of realizing what happened. Well, what I thought happened. I really thought that I was going to die, that there was no way I could continue on without you- all of you.” Sirius was gripping his hand in a death vice now, but Remus understood. It was to make up for all the time it hadn’t been there.</p><p>“And you..” Sirius said, voice shaking. “You were alone for all that time. What you must’ve thought, what you must’ve been through… Sometimes I wish I just wouldn’t wake up from those dreams of before. I want to stay where we were, when we were 16. Barely aware of the war going on. Thinking we were invincible. Remus, I miss them too much. I feel like it’s going to tear me apart. I just want to go back. I want to be young and stupid again, I want to be happy, I want- I want James back.” Remus wrapped his other arm around Sirius, holding him close.</p><p>“I know,” he whispered. “I can’t believe we’re the two who are left. We had so many fucking issues before all of this... James and Lily, they were supposed to be the strong ones, making it out alive. But we have to keep going. For Harry, for their memories, for everything they died for. We’re going to make it, and then when the time comes, we’re going to see them again.” He could hear his own breathing, uneven and full of emotion. “We have to keep going, Pads… for them. I can’t count all the times I thought about ending it. Just a little bit more of the drugs, letting the grief turn into magic, anything to stop the pain.</p><p>“But I realized that I had to stay, because I was able to feel that pain, and they… weren’t. For Harry, for Marlene, for everyone else… we have to make sure their deaths have meaning. That they weren’t just more bodies on top of the pile.” Sirius was nodding as Remus finished his words, though still shaking in his arms.</p><p>“You’re right. Lily would probably kick our arses back to earth if we showed up right now, knowing we left Harry.” Remus let out a shaky laugh at this. “I just want to be able to honor their memories. To make them proud. We’ve been without them now for longer than we had them, and… I just want them back.” He looked up at Remus, tears dripping down his cheeks and nose. “It hurts  so badly, Remus. Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, that I couldn’t take all of your pain, share it, help you through it… but I’m going to now. I’m going to be here for you.” </p><p>Remus looked at the man in his arms, seeing his own fear, guilt, loss, indescribable pain reflected back at him. </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, gathering Sirius closer in his arms. “We’re going to make them proud, Pads. I know it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter makes me sad, but honestly the marauders are entirely too tragic for their own good.<br/>-song lyrics from Freaks by Surf Curse, probably my favorite lyrics I've included in the story thus far. I feel like it completely encompasses what Remus and Sirius must be going through, all the pain and their only happiness from reminiscing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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